Out of Town

Hey Kids,

I'm of out town for the weekend, so no updates. Sorry

Deadman Switch

This episode didn’t do much for me. The bounty hunter, Aris Boch, was too clichéd. Let’s go down the list: 1) The people he served were responsible for destroying his race. 2) He was immune to certain weapons. 3) He was addicted to a drug. 4) He had a custom built gun. 5) He was the best because he was alive. 6) His plans were overly complex. Am I missing anything? 

This episode had some redeeming qualities. I thought it was funny how Daniel seemed offended when Boch claimed his bounty was only worth half a day’s rations. It was also nice to see the team totally outwitted. And Teal’c was perfectly in character when he offered to be taken to Sokar. 

The biggest problem with this episode was that Boch turned around too quickly at the end. Eh, this was very forgettable. 

My Rating: 3/10

Point of View

This was another alternate reality episode. In the new reality, Kawalsky was still alive, Jack was dead, and Sam was a civilian widow. Apophis had just conquered the world, so their Kawalsky and Sam used the quantum mirror from “There But For the Grace of God” to visit our team. Got it?

I always feel obligated to discuss hair while reviewing alternate reality episodes. Alternate Sam had a cheap wig, which further proved that helmet hair Carter is the best. Teal’c had a pointy soul patch. I actually said, “Dear God” when I first saw that hideous goatee Apophis was sporting. Yuck. 

The highlights of this episode, in my opinion, all dealt with Sam and Jack’s alternate reality marriage. You could tell alternate Sam was a more in touch with her emotions. She was kissing everyone on the cheek, and she finally got a proper hug.

I wanted to kick our Sam in the butt when she gave Jack a sarcastic answer and walked away after he offered to listen her. Grr… Come on! I wonder what was going through her mind when she watched Jack kiss alternate Sam.

A couple of random notes:

• I love it when two Sams speak techno babble and argue with each other.
  
• I loved the glance between Daniel and Jack after Teal’c killed his alternate.
  
• I have included the wedding photo so all the shippers can squeeeee.
  

My Rating: 9/10

Learning Curve

I always like it when Jack interacts with kids. They bring out the playful side in him. This episode also featured a lot of Daniel and Sam at their dorky best. Daniel was in pyramid heaven, and Sam got to play with a naquadah reactor for a couple of days. They were almost giddy. 

There were a lot of stick people in this episode. I think the doodle above looks just like Sam. The funniest one was probably the drawing Kalan gave to Jack at the end of the episode. Why can’t people exchange those types of gifts in everyday life? 

I also loved the part where Jack had to admit he wasn’t as smart as Sam or Dr. Fraiser. Heh, it’s okay Jack. We still love you. 

My Rating: 7/10

Legacy

The thing that always bothered me about this episode was how quick the doctors were to throw Daniel into a padded room. He was perfectly normal one day. Then he went crazy a couple of days later. I’d imagine that level of schizophrenia doesn’t happen overnight. Why wouldn’t they think it was the result of some alien doohickey? 

Daniel was a pretty convincing crazy person. It was kind of creepy to see him like that. Sam’s reaction when the team visited Daniel almost brought a tear to my eye. Someone better give that woman a hug. 

Here’s another silly question: Why did Ma’chello make those little bug things if he knew they would make normal people crazy? That’s a pretty serious side effect he probably would have considered.

Bonus point for Dr. Fraiser’s freak out. 

My Rating: 5/10

Fair Game

In the opening scene, Sam was promoted to the rank of major. Jack started to give a brief congratulatory speech, but he was beamed to Thor’s ship, which was orbiting Earth, before he could finish. Thor informed Jack that the Goa’uld System Lords would launch an attack unless an agreement could be reached to allow Earth into the Protected Planets Treaty. 

When the negotiations started, we met three new snakeheads. Cronus, who was the most influential of the System Lords, killed Teal’c’s father years ago and ordered the assassination of Jolinar. Nirrti was responsible for the genocide on Cassandra’s planet and kind of looked like a drag queen. The SGC never crossed paths with Yu before, but he was the object of several bad puns. “Thank Yu.”

I think what I liked most about this episode was how it added extra layers to Goa’uld society. We also learned more about the Asgard and how the politics of the galaxy worked. Basically, the Goa’uld could wipe us out if they ever called the Asgard’s bluff. 

Earth was eventually allowed to join the treaty after Nirrti was caught in a plot to kill Cronus. Those silly Goa’uld are always trying to stab each other in the back. When will they ever learn?

My Rating: 9/10

Seth

Seth had to be the lamest Goa’uld ever. He spent a few thousand years on Earth, and he only had fifty followers in rural Washington. He was even a bland dresser. 

Despite Seth’s shortcomings, this was a great episode. We learned a little bit about the System Lords and Goa’uld society. Sam and Jacob had a couple of nice moments. The best part, however, was the Jaffa joke. Heh, poor Teal’c. 

Jack was once again in fine form. I loved the way he handled the ATF team and the look on his face when Daniel told him about the eunuchs. “So help me, if I wake up and I’m singing soprano...” 

Oh, and it was cool how Sam used the hand device squish Seth into the ground.

My Rating: 8/10

Into the Fire

Noooooooooooooo… My Beloved, Sweet Hathor, you will be missed.

Wow, there was a lot of action in this episode. There were a number of exciting shootouts between Hathor’s guards and a group of SG teams. Hathor palm blasted a Tok’ra spy who saved Jack after a Goa’uld borrowed into the back of his neck. General Hammond even got involved by leading Teal’c, Bra’tac, and a group of rebel Jaffa on a rescue mission. Yeehaa, indeed.

It’s a shame they had to kill poor Hathor. Jack dumped her into a cryogenic tank just before she could torture Sam to death. Oh, but what about the hug between Sam and Jack? Kind of cute.

I thought it was funny how Jack was running around in that white suit pretending to be a Goa’uld. “You heard me, Kree!” He oddly reminded me of Wayne Coyne from the Flaming Lips in that outfit.

I was not very fond of Daniel’s haircut. Clearly, work needed to be done in that department. It’s probably a good thing that he ended the shag look, but that particular haircut was not the answer.

This episode would have gotten a perfect score if Hathor survived. Sigh.

My Rating: 9/10

Out of Mind

This was the Season Two Finale. I was a little disappointed the first half of the show was mostly clips from earlier episodes, but the ending made up for it. Having Hathor show up made for a great cliffhanger. Plus she’s really cute, even with the new wig. 

I had no idea what was going on at first and really enjoyed the suspense that slowly built up as the team started to unravel Hathor’s scheme. She seemed much smarter and more calculating than any of the other Goa’uld we’ve met so far. If it weren’t for Jack’s natural paranoia, her plan probably would have worked. 

The dreaded “To Be Continued” popped up just after Hathor threatened to put a snake in someone’s head. So it’s on to Season Three to see how the team will get of this jam.

One last note: I’m pretty sure Jack was trying to sneak a peek on Carter. I can’t say I blame him. 

My Rating: 8/10

1969

This episode is a cult classic. Yeah, it’s really silly and the time travel aspects didn’t make much sense, but it was a lot of fun. Some might even call it groovy.

There were a bunch of great moments, so I’m sure I’ll miss a few, but here are my favorites:

• During Jack’s interrogation: “I’ll be honest with you, Bob. My name’s not Kirk. It’s Skywalker, Luke Skywalker.”
  
• Michael to Teal’c: “Your thing, that thing, what’s it symbolize? Peace?” “Slavery, to false gods.” “Right on.”
  
• “The war with Canada?”
  
• Teal’c driving!
  
• Daniel’s horrible German accent.
  
• Just about everything Jenny and Michael said. They were really cute. 
  

My Rating: 9/10

Show and Tell

A kid with a veiny head came through the stargate to warn the team about invisible space bugs. Naturally, everyone was a little skeptical until Mother blew up a computer monitor. After a quick call to the Tok’ra, Jacob showed up with cool guns that could illuminate the Re’tu and turn them into goop.

The kid was kind of cute and bonded with Jack. He even started calling himself Charlie after Jack’s son. As a result of the genetic manipulation Charlie underwent to become a messenger for the good Re’tu, he had numerous congenital diseases and his body was shutting down.

A group of rebel Re’tu got in the base, because the team was dumb enough to go to their staging area. The terrorist faction planned to destroy the population of Earth in an effort to eliminate all possible Goa’uld hosts. This led to a little shoot out in the SGC.

Did anyone else laugh that unintentionally funny moment? Oh yeah, that looked real.

With the terrorist space bugs neutralized, attention turned to Charlie. He passed out while hugging Jack, and Dr. Fraiser thought there was nothing she could do to help. Then Jacob offered to put a Tok’ra in his head to save his life. The veiny kid would have a chance to grow up.

My Rating: 8/10

One False Step

This might be the single worst episode the franchise ever produced. It was terrible. 

Rather than harp on how much I wanted to see those pale, bald, short, nearly naked pod people die, I’ll try to say something positive. Well… there was some classic interaction between Jack and Daniel. It’s also cute to know Sam talks to her plants. And I thought it was funny when Daniel was running around the hut trying to imitate a UAV. 

None of that made up for a really boring plot or the annoying characters. How come there were no female pod people running around?

My Rating: 1/10

Holiday

Eh, this episode didn’t do much for me. The plot was fairly bland and predictable, and nothing really happened in the end. 

Ma’chello, an old guy who used to fight the Goa’uld, tricked Daniel into swapping bodies. While Daniel was dying, Ma’chello went out to see the town. He made friends with a homeless dude, ate a bunch of junk food, and hit on a waitress. I bet Daniel is going to love that credit card bill. 

Teal’c and Jack also switched bodies along the way. The jokes between those two, especially the ones about shaving Jack’s head, were the only worthwhile parts of the show. How awkward would it have been for those two to go to the bathroom? 

My Rating: 3/10

Serpent’s Song

“That’s between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute, you are your god.” 

Apophis was quite a sad sight in this episode. With his empire falling apart, he sought protection from rival Goa’ulds by asking for sanctuary on Earth. He took advantage of human compassions in an attempt to save his life and lure the team into a trap. 

The Tok’ra arrived to warn the SGC about Sokar, an ancient Goa’uld who pretended to be the devil. Sokar’s troops saw SG-1 as they fled through the gate with Apophis, and they would attack if the team did not return the prisoner. This situation was orchestrated by Apophis to ensure his demise would also bring about the destruction of Earth. 

Before the Tok’ra could leave, Sokar’s attack began. He used a weapon that could melt the stargate’s iris and also draw happy faces. Eventually, Sam was able to establish an out-going wormhole that thwarted the attack and allowed the team to return Apophis’s body to Sokar. 

I thought the best part about this episode was the interaction between the team and Apophis. Jack’s sarcasm and contempt for Apophis was hilarious. Teal’c spent the whole episode walking around with a smug look on his face. The best, however, was Daniel’s little talk with Apophis. Daniel let his dark side out and every word he said seemed to sizzle as he taunted and threatened Apophis. Go get him, Daniel! 

I felt bad for Apophis’s host. After spending several thousand years parading around in ridiculous outfits, he regained control of his body just before a torturous death. Poor guy didn’t know what was going on. 

My Rating: 8/10

The Fifth Race

This episode is one of my perennial favorites. There was practically no action in it, but the plot was compelling, dramatic, humorous, and uplifting. I always felt like this episode defined the ultimate story arc for the series. It made the show about something grander than just blowing up evil spacemen and gave the audience hope for the future. Yes, I’m gushing. 

Jack managed to get his head stuck in an Ancient Repository of Knowledge. After he passed out and was transported back to Earth, he seemed to be his normal, grumpy self. However, he slowly started to use alien words within his normal speech. He then reprogrammed the base’s computer system to add a set of new stargate addresses and built what appeared to be a humming nightlight. 

Jack had little control over his actions, and he eventually lost the ability to communicate. As the computer automatically started to dial an eight-symbol address, Jack hooked his nightlight into the base’s electric system. The extra power allowed him to travel to a different galaxy for help. 

Jack made contact with the Asgard, who removed the overwhelming information from his head. They explained that humans had great potential and were impressed that Jack could subconsciously control the Ancient database. They even suggested that humans could one day join the Asgard, the Nox, the Ancients, and the Furlings as the fifth race. 

The little moments were great in this episode, too. Teal’c learned about boxing while Jack danced around in a codpiece. Daniel and Jack had one of their silly “No, I didn’t/ Yes, you did” moments, but you also saw how much Daniel cared for and trusted Jack. And I loved the little shoulder shrug Jack gave Sam when his plans fixed the DHD.   

My Rating: 10/10

A Matter of Time

This episode made my brain hurt, and I think Sam broke her own techno babble record. There was a black hole, a bubble of time dilation, some kind of gravity waves, and a bunch of relativity stuff. 

I didn’t understand any of it, but Sam explained something with a doughnut. Yum. 

Hey, Major Davis made his first appearance. We also met one of Jack’s old friends, but he was sucked into the wormhole. Sergeant Siler even got zapped. 

I thought it was funny how Daniel showed up at the very end to say, “Hey Jack, did I miss anything?” 

My Rating: 6/10

Touchstone

I love Maybourne. He is an unrepentant weasel who grates on your nerves the whole time he is on screen. Teal’c only needed fifteen seconds to take the first shot at him. “In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you.” 

This episode started after a few members of the NID stole an advanced piece of technology that could control the weather. The Touchstone caused bizarre events on Earth, and its disappearance threatened catastrophe for the Madronanes. SG-1 raced to track down those responsible for the secretive operation before Madrona turned into an ice ball. 

The team recovered the Touchstone, but questions about the NID were unresolved. The blind priest fixed the weather, and his cute niece ditched the robe that covered her skimpy dress. Yes, she qualifies as a foxy space lady. 

I got a chuckle out of SG-1’s arrival at Area 51. I have a feeling the lighting crew called in sick that day, because everyone on the team turned into a talking black blob. The background, however, was bright and clear. 

My Rating: 7/10

Spirits

It was neat to see Sam in charge of the team. I liked the little acknowledgement Jack gave her from his hospital bed, and she looked extra cute in this episode. I know it sounds cheesy, but I was proud of her. 

Sam led Daniel and Teal’c on a mission to find SG-11, who went missing while mining a metal called trinium off world. After getting shot with darts, SG-1 woke up and met the natives. One of the locals, Tonane, offered to take the team to meet the spirits. 

The team later discovered the spirits were actually aliens with weird gills on their faces. Daniel was the peacemaker and talked them out of blowing up the SGC. In the end, everyone decided to be friends. 

A few years ago, I saw a great movie called Smoke Signals. Tonane reminded me of Thomas from that film. I think it was the smile. If you can’t find anything to rent during your next trip to Blockbuster, check it out. 

I thought this was a neat episode. However, it was a little heavy-handed at times, and General Hammond seemed out of character when he talked about the secret mining operation. It would have been more believable if a stooge from the Pentagon played the Andrew Jackson role. 

My Rating: 6/10 

The Tok’ra, Part II

Part two started with a speech from the Tok’ra. One of the reasons they didn’t want to form an alliance with Earth was because nobody on the team volunteered to become Salmak’s host. This gave Sam an idea that might save her father’s life. 

Sam and Jack returned to Earth to pick up Jacob and explain the situation to him. I though it was cute how Jacob said, “Holy Hannah” when he learned about the stargate. It showed how Sam picked up her dorky habits while growing up. 

An evacuation of the Tok’ra planet was already underway when Sam, Jack, and Jacob arrived. A spy had informed the Goa’uld of their location, and a fleet of ships was on the way. Jacob went through a brief interview and ended up with a snake in his head. However, he could not be moved until his body was healed, and the Goa’uld were getting very close. 

He woke up just in time to escape with Sam and Martouf. Once they were back on Earth, Daniel gave the Tok’ra a fancy lunchbox. Was this the start of a new friendship? 

My Rating: 7/10

The Tok’ra, Part I

During a dream, Sam had a vision of Jolinar that included a gate address, so the team set off to meet the Tok’ra. Just before they left, Sam called her dad. Jacob was facing his last days in a battle with cancer. Sam went on the mission knowing Jacob would not want to be seen in a hospital bed. 

Once again, Sam proved that she is terrible with men. A Tok’ra named Martouf used a couple of cheesy lines, and she turned into a big pile of mush. Lord only knows what would have happened if Daniel didn’t interrupt their handholding session. 

I’m probably the only person who thinks like this, but does anyone else see the resemblance between Martouf and Sam the Eagle from The Muppet Show? In my opinion, that’s a more believable Sam and Martouf relationship than the one involving Captain Carter. 

Jack was considerably less friendly with the Tok’ra than Sam. He seemed extra grumpy and argumentative in this episode. In the end, the Tok’ra fulfilled Jack's fears. They decided not to form an alliance with Earth and held the team as “guests” after Hammond sent SG-3 to inform Sam her father was about to die. 

Never trust anything with a snake in its head. To be continued. 

My Rating: 8/10

Bane

Space bugs. Ugh, this could have been awful. Maybourne saved this episode from being a complete disaster, but it was still pretty bad.

SG-1 arrived on a recently deserted planet. The former inhabitants appeared to possess a similar level of technology as Earth, but their absence was unexplainable. Cue the giant space bug. It stung Teal’c and started a process that could create a space bug epidemic. 

When the team returned to Earth, Maybourne was granted custody of Teal’c. Teal’c escaped after his transport van was off the base, and he wandered around the city. He managed to make friends with a young girl who liked to play in abandoned buildings. I’m sure most parents would be pleased by the idea of their child hanging out in a secluded, dark room with a strange man who had an obvious disease. What could possibly happen?

Like I said earlier, Maybourne made this episode. He just brings out the best in people. I love the contemptuous dynamic between Jack and him, but Maybourne is capable of getting under anybody’s skin. It’s like he’s a natural born punching bag. 

“General Hammond, request permission to beat the crap out of this man.” 

My Rating: 4/10 

Secrets

Holy cow, there were a lot of very good plotlines crammed into this episode. Daniel returned to Abydos, a reporter learned about the stargate program, Sam’s dad made his first appearance, Sha’uri was pregnant, and Heru’ur planned to steal the baby. Exhale. 

Teal’c and Daniel discovered Sha’uri had been living on Abydos with a little bun in the oven. Her goa’uld relinquished control of the body to protect the unborn baby, but would revive after the birth. Apophis was the proud papa and planned to use the resulting child as his future host. How creepy is that? 

Heru’ur didn’t like that idea and sent his Jaffa out to find Sha’uri. She gave birth to a little boy while they were searching. Teal’c was in charge of the postnatal care and decided to shoot Sha’uri with a zat gun. Obviously, they have health care issues on Chulak. 

Sam and Jack were in Washington, DC while all that was happening. They were supposed to meet the president during a medal ceremony. General Jacob Carter, Sam’s dad, came to the party with some good news and some bad news. The good news: Sam can quit her boring job and join NASA. The bad news: He had cancer. For the love of God, somebody better give Sam a hug. 

A reporter with leaked information about the stargate program accosted Jack for a comment. Jack played it cool and denied everything with his characteristic charm. After a second meeting with Jack, the reporter died after he either accidentally walked into traffic or was purposely run over by a government goon. 

I’m sorry. I can’t resist a truly bad pun. “That’s one way to kill a story.” 

I’ll get my coat. 

One last note: Apophis was really pushing the limits of Goa’uld fashion in that final scene, but he was totally outclassed by Sha’uri’s headdress. I sort of wish everyone dressed like that in real life.

 My Rating: 9/10

Family

Bra’tac arrived at the SGC with an urgent message. Apophis survived the explosion of his ships and had abducted Rya’c. The team believed Apophis was trying to lure them into a trap, but they packed their bags and went to Chulak. 

When they arrived, Teal’c learned his wife was getting dirty with a new guy. Drey’auc explained that she did not love Fro’tak. She married him so Rya’c would not have to live in the camps. Puh, women! 

The first rescue attempt failed, because Ry’ac had been brainwashed by Apophis. Eventually they brought Rya’c back to Earth, but he was still under Apophis’s control and was plotting to destroy the world. Luckily, the team wasn’t fooled by the old poisonous false teeth trick. 

I thought the end of this episode was odd. Teal’c shot Rya’c with a zat gun, and Rya’c magically returned to normal. I didn’t buy it. Oh well. 

My Rating: 6/10

Message In a Bottle

There seemed to be something missing from this episode. The concept was intriguing, but the execution was poor. In the end, it just seemed melodramatic. 

The team brought an artifact to Earth from a dead planet. After the orb suddenly activated, Jack turned into a glowing, blue shish kabob. He would later become a zombie spokesperson for an alien race. 

Like I said, this wasn’t the best episode. However, it gets a bonus point because Teal’c said, “Boobie.” 

My Rating: 4/10

Thor’s Chariot

This episode continued the story from “Thor’s Hammer.” In typical SG-1 fashion, the team created a huge problem and had to save the day. In the process, they met a grumpy Goa’uld, picked up a few space toys, and spoke to Thor. 

Heru’ur, the son of Ra and Hathor, obviously enjoyed raiding mom’s jewelry box as much as he enjoyed conquering planets. He had already killed a number of the locals and was building a landing platform for his ships when SG-1 arrived. With Thor’s Hammer destroyed, the planet was defenseless. 

Gairwyn greeted SG-1 at the gate and led them to Kendra’s grave. Sam learned that she could operate some Goa’uld technology, but she was much better at blowing up dirt than working the healing device. 

After Jack and Teal’c went off to fight some Jaffa, Sam and Daniel tried to find The Hall of Thor’s Might. The hall contained a series of tests designed to determine if the locals were advanced enough to meet the Asgard. Daniel and Sam passed and explained the problem to Thor. He promptly showed up to beam the Goa’uld away and install a new defense system. 

Sigh, we are still too young to hang out with the Asgard, but at least they know who we are. 

My Rating: 8/10

Need

Warning: Sarcophagus may cause callous behavior and/or excessive use of hair gel. 

The team traveled to a planet led by a 700 year-old man posing as a Goa’uld. He sustained his life by regularly using a sarcophagus, but he turned into a real sourpuss as a result. To avoid detection after overthrowing their former Goa’uld ruler, the locals continued to operate the planet’s naquadah mine and shipped away the raw ore. 

Daniel attracted the interest of a cute princess named Shyla. The rest of the team was not as lucky and were sent to work in the mine. As Sam grew weak, she had a vision she attributed to Jolinar that warned about the dangers of the sarcophagus. 

Shyla fell in love with Daniel, convinced him to try a new hairdo, and turned him into a junkie. He eventually agreed to marry her, but Daniel used the opportunity to free SG-1 and return to Earth. Once they were back home, it became apparent that Daniel was going a little kooky. 

After going through withdrawals, Daniel asked to return to the planet. The team believed they could help the miners and acquire a source of naquadah. Shyla apologized to Daniel and destroyed the sarcophagus. The wedding was canceled, which was a shame because they were an attractive couple.

My Rating: 6/10

The Gamekeeper

In Soviet Russia, video game plays you!

I don’t have much to say about this episode. It contained a lot of blah and meh. Hey, Kawalsky showed up. That was kind of neat. And Teal’c had hair.

Poor Daniel. His parents were smushed to death by Styrofoam artifacts. I bet he cringes every time he sees packaging peanuts.

My Rating: 4/10

Prisoners

A lot of people associate Stargate with The Wizard of Oz. Strangely, this episode reminded me of that disturbing show that used to run on HBO called Oz. We see the rough and tough dramas of a prison. Teal’c even got shanked. Luckily, we were spared from a shower scene. 

Linea was an interesting character. She was a nice old lady who happened to enjoy the occasional genocide. Living in Florida, I know many people just like her. 

What was up with that hairy diplomat guy from the SGC? We can add him to the list of people Hammond should have kidney punched. 

My Rating: 6/10

In the Line of Duty

You know the mouth-to-mouth scene in this episode? This is what it would have looked like if Sam was a reporter and the host was a wrestler. 

The snake in Sam’s head claimed to be a Tok’ra, a type of Goa’uld that opposed the System Lords. It was being hunted and used Sam to escape. The team seemed to believe this story. However, the Goa’uld hunting Sam used a small hand device to zap her head before they decided what to do. The Tok’ra was killed, but it sacrificed its life to save Sam. 

My favorite part of this episode was only on screen for about two seconds. It occurred while a few Nassyans were being loaded into the back of a military truck. There was one guy wearing a bright pink wig. I don’t know why, but it makes me laugh every time. 

I would like to submit the end of this episode as further proof that Sam is the most huggable character in television history. 

My Rating: 8/10 

The Serpent’s Lair

“Carter, if someone comes in here, you bite them in the hand.” 

Things weren’t looking good when we last saw SG-1. Luckily, Bra’tac showed up. Sure, he thumped Jack in the face and kept calling him “human,” but he freed the team from certain death. 

Apophis stalled his attack while waiting for Klorel to heal. This gave Samuels time to implement his brilliant plan that would surely work. Of course, the plan failed. I honestly thought General Hammond was going to kidney punch Samuels each time they were on screen together.

So it was up to SG-1 to save the world. Daniel got shot in the process and was left for dead. The rest of the team managed to blow up both of Apophis’s ships at the same time while sneaking away in death gliders. 

Daniel took a quick nap in a sarcophagus and made a last second exit through the ship’s stargate. While their fate wasn’t shown, Apophis and Klorel also attempted to escape. Did they make it out? I guess we’ll find out later. 

My Rating: 10/10

Within the Serpent’s Grasp

Thank God for DVDs. They make these season-ending cliffhangers much more enjoyable. Rather than waiting around for half a year to see what happens, you can just pop in the next disk and watch the climax. 

In this episode, the team defied orders and gated to a Goa’uld stronghold. They discovered they were actually on an attack ship headed to Earth and Skaara was onboard. I have to say, Skaara looked ravishing in that gold ensemble. The women from Sex and the City have nothing on that boy. 

There were a bunch of great lines in sprinkled in with the action. I loved Daniel’s face when he said, “Right, I’ll just go tell the pilot.” We also got to play with some new technology on the trip, included a few zat-guns and a communications ball that probably doesn’t get Showtime. 

The episode ended with two ships peering down on an unprepared Earth. Skaara had been shot by Jack and appeared to pass out. The C-4 Sam and Daniel planted on the ship was set to detonate. To Be Continued. Cut to the credits. 

My Rating: 9/10

Politics

The opening scenes of this episode were surprisingly good, and Jack was in fine form. Within the first ten minutes, he made a Wizard of Oz reference, called someone Sparky, and got General Hammond to laugh. After that, it was just a clip show. 

Senator Kinsey made the interludes interesting. He was infuriatingly self-righteous and smarmy. Like Colonel Maybourne, he’s one of the villains everyone loves to hate. Sadly, he seemed like he would fit perfectly in the current Senate. 

The show ended after Kinsey decided to stop funding the stargate program. All operations were to be stopped immediately. 

My Rating: 4/10

There But For the Grace of God

As a general rule, I don’t like alternate reality episodes. This is one of the exceptions. 

Daniel started the show by futzing around with an alien device. In the process, he unknowingly transported himself to a reality in which Earth was being destroyed by a Goa’uld attack fleet. Everything was slightly different, and he was never part of the stargate program. 

Of course, the audience would never believe they were watching an alternate reality unless some of the characters had different haircuts. Sam looked pretty good with long hair, but I’m still a fan of her helmet head. The dead thing on Teal’c was not as flattering. 

Fans of a Sam and Jack relationship got a special treat, because those two were engaged in this reality. If you listen closely, there was even a mumbled, “I love you.” Aww… 

The team in the alternate reality was killed off, but their last act was to help Daniel escape. He transported back to his old dimension with a gate address that just might save Earth. 

My Rating: 7/10

Solitudes

This was a fairly simple but totally enthralling episode. Everything revolved around the interaction between Sam and Jack. They were freezing, desperate, and genuinely emotional. While doing little more than huddling together in a dark cave, they built up a tremendous sense of drama. 

The big plot twist revealed they were stuck in Antarctica, which will eventually lead to even greater storylines in later seasons. Along the way, we saw Teal’c and Daniel’s tireless commitment to the rescue effort. And as an added bonus, there was a good deal of Sergeant Siler and the still nameless technician (aka: the chevron guy) in this episode. 

Of course, there were a couple of truly funny moments mixed into the show. Jack’s “It’s my sidearm, I swear,” and Daniel’s misplaced rhetorical question to Teal’c both broke the tension and gave the audience a sense of hope. 

I think everyone has seen this before, but here's the prank they pulled while filming this episode. 

My Rating: 9/10

Tin Man

Komtraya! 

I felt bad for the robots. They had to spend eternity fixing an underground power plant with only Harlan for company. I’d start looking for that disintegration gun after a week. 

Without a doubt, the best part of this episode was the conversation between Jack and Robot Jack. It had a perfect balance of remorse, confusion, and humor. “And don’t even think about sending a bomb through to make sure.” However, I thought it was strange that they both seemed to stare at the naked Robot Teal’c. 

Bonus point for the arguing Sams.  

My Rating: 6/10

Enigma

I really enjoyed this episode. The Tollan were introduced, Maybourne made his first appearance, and the Nox saved the day. Hey, Sam even kissed a dude. 

The Tollan, led by a balding jerk named Omac, were found moments before death by SG-1. The team rescued them and brought them back to Earth. The highly advanced Tollan were stranded, because their new home world was outside the stargate network. 

Colonel Maybourne then arrived at the SGC to take control of the Tollan. He planned to use them as forced intellectual labors in an effort to develop new weapons. He played a predictable bad guy in this episode, but he later becomes one of my favorite characters. Everyone loves to hate Maybourne. 

While the Tollan were stuck on Earth, Narim took an interest in Sam. He dropped a couple of cheesy lines on her, and she gave him a cat. God, somebody should buy her a book of dating advice. She’s just not very good with boys. 

Those two eventually did a little smooching but were interrupted by Daniel, who was busy trying to save the Tollan. His “whoops” in this scene was comic genius. Well played, sir. Well played. 

Lya, the female Nox, showed up at the end to save the Tollan from Maybourne. Omac finally dropped the jerk routine to thank Daniel. Then Lya did a neat trick to open the gate and disarm the soldiers trying to prevent an escape. 

This was a great episode, but who picked out the silver jumpsuits? I mean come on. Also, Omac was a little too annoying in the beginning. 

My Rating: 9/10