2010

This might be the prettiest episode produced by SG-1. There was a grand plot, an interesting new race, and some great team moments. So why did I find it unsatisfying? Well, it fell into the alternate reality trap. Everything in this episode, essentially, never happened, which ultimately devalued the drama. There was some fun speculation, but it had little influence on the series as a whole.

I love to compare the superficial differences in alternate reality episodes. First off, Dr. Fraiser’s hair looked fantastic! She always struck me as the motherly type, but she looked down right foxy with that cut. I liked Sam’s gelled up hair, too. Daniel had a new pair of glasses, which are actually in style now. It took me a couple of moments to realize it, but Teal’c had his tattoo removed.

I thought the triangle between Ambassador Joe, Sam, and Jack was intriguing. It was pretty clear that Jack felt letdown by Sam, and Joe didn’t trust Jack. Since Sam sucks at dating, she must have picked Joe over Jack at some point. It was strangely typical of her to fall for a guy who was complicit in genocide.

There was one other thing that caught my attention. This was the first time I watched this episode since Don S. Davis passed away. It was sad to hear the toast to General Hammond knowing that he really is gone.

Oh, and Kinsey as the President was not a pleasant thought.

My Rating: 7/10

Small Victories

“I don’t know, Carter, you may not be dumb enough.”

How much did I like this episode? So much that I can forgive the producers for that blonde thing growing on Teal’c’s chin.

The surviving Replicator we saw at the end of “Nemesis” boarded a Russian submarine and killed the crew. Fearing an international incident, the US government picked up the abandoned sub and towed it to a harbor. Despite Jack’s advice, the military wanted to study the bugs and ordered a reconnaissance mission. The mission did not go well.

In the meantime, Thor arrived at the SGC looking for a few dumb ideas. An Asgard homeworld was about to be invaded by Replicators, and they hoped human strategy and ingenuity might be able to overcome their technological limitations. Sam was sent on the field trip.

Daniel spent most of this episode watching monitors, but he also realized the Replicators on the submarine were made out of steel. Which meant they would short circuit and corrode in the seawater. If the lone Replicator that survived the crash could be destroyed, the rest of the bugs could be eliminated with a torpedo.

Jack and Teal’c volunteered for the new mission. They managed to kill the motherbug, but the other Replicators were not happy. Trapped on the ship with no escape, Jack ordered the destruction of the sub while they was on board. The torpedoes were launched.

After learning that Thor likes the yellow ones, Sam devised a plan to save the Asgard. She convinced Thor to send his newest ship, the O’Neill, into hyperspeed and allow the Replicator controlled ships to chase it. Much to Jack’s dismay, the O’Neill was set to self-destruct. The explosion was large enough to destroy the Replicators, because they lowered their shield to follow it.

Back on Earth, Thor beamed Jack and Teal’c out of the submarine just before it went kaboom. The bugs were squashed in both galaxies, but it was just a small victory against an imposing foe. The Replicators will be back.

A couple more things:

• I liked Sam’s new haircut, but there were moments when she looked a little frumpy. However, she looks cute even when she’s frumpy.
  
• I can’t believe Sam rejected Jack’s fishing trip offer again. The thought of Thor fishing is pretty amusing, though.
  
• “They had asses?”
  

My Rating: 10/10 

Past and Present

I really liked this episode. It continued the story from “Prisoners” and allowed Daniel to grow a little bit more. Looking back, I feel like Season Three was when Daniel evolved into a much deeper character. He learned to see both sides of an issue and the moral conflicts within him became stronger.

Does Ke’ra qualify as a foxy space lady? I’m not so sure, but Daniel fell for her, so she makes the list. That hair was a little crazy, though.

The conflicts Ke’ra faced were pretty interesting. It brought to mind the old nature verses nurture debate. Was she predisposed to destructive behavior or was it a result of a traumatic upbringing? Could she ever truly be free of her past? Will she ever regain her memory?

I thought this was one of the more intriguing ideas in the series. It made me think of the Michael story arc from Atlantis, and it’s interesting to compare the two outcomes. Of course, Ke’ra was a willing participant.

I also liked the banter between the unknowingly married couple.

My Rating: 9/10

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Another Note: I played around with blogger today and started a blog list. See it over there on the right? If you’d like to be added to the list, just leave a comment. Oh, and I set up a picture blog for my father, so you should check that out. 

Point of View

This was another alternate reality episode. In the new reality, Kawalsky was still alive, Jack was dead, and Sam was a civilian widow. Apophis had just conquered the world, so their Kawalsky and Sam used the quantum mirror from “There But For the Grace of God” to visit our team. Got it?

I always feel obligated to discuss hair while reviewing alternate reality episodes. Alternate Sam had a cheap wig, which further proved that helmet hair Carter is the best. Teal’c had a pointy soul patch. I actually said, “Dear God” when I first saw that hideous goatee Apophis was sporting. Yuck. 

The highlights of this episode, in my opinion, all dealt with Sam and Jack’s alternate reality marriage. You could tell alternate Sam was a more in touch with her emotions. She was kissing everyone on the cheek, and she finally got a proper hug.

I wanted to kick our Sam in the butt when she gave Jack a sarcastic answer and walked away after he offered to listen her. Grr… Come on! I wonder what was going through her mind when she watched Jack kiss alternate Sam.

A couple of random notes:

• I love it when two Sams speak techno babble and argue with each other.
  
• I loved the glance between Daniel and Jack after Teal’c killed his alternate.
  
• I have included the wedding photo so all the shippers can squeeeee.
  

My Rating: 9/10

Into the Fire

Noooooooooooooo… My Beloved, Sweet Hathor, you will be missed.

Wow, there was a lot of action in this episode. There were a number of exciting shootouts between Hathor’s guards and a group of SG teams. Hathor palm blasted a Tok’ra spy who saved Jack after a Goa’uld borrowed into the back of his neck. General Hammond even got involved by leading Teal’c, Bra’tac, and a group of rebel Jaffa on a rescue mission. Yeehaa, indeed.

It’s a shame they had to kill poor Hathor. Jack dumped her into a cryogenic tank just before she could torture Sam to death. Oh, but what about the hug between Sam and Jack? Kind of cute.

I thought it was funny how Jack was running around in that white suit pretending to be a Goa’uld. “You heard me, Kree!” He oddly reminded me of Wayne Coyne from the Flaming Lips in that outfit.

I was not very fond of Daniel’s haircut. Clearly, work needed to be done in that department. It’s probably a good thing that he ended the shag look, but that particular haircut was not the answer.

This episode would have gotten a perfect score if Hathor survived. Sigh.

My Rating: 9/10

Need

Warning: Sarcophagus may cause callous behavior and/or excessive use of hair gel. 

The team traveled to a planet led by a 700 year-old man posing as a Goa’uld. He sustained his life by regularly using a sarcophagus, but he turned into a real sourpuss as a result. To avoid detection after overthrowing their former Goa’uld ruler, the locals continued to operate the planet’s naquadah mine and shipped away the raw ore. 

Daniel attracted the interest of a cute princess named Shyla. The rest of the team was not as lucky and were sent to work in the mine. As Sam grew weak, she had a vision she attributed to Jolinar that warned about the dangers of the sarcophagus. 

Shyla fell in love with Daniel, convinced him to try a new hairdo, and turned him into a junkie. He eventually agreed to marry her, but Daniel used the opportunity to free SG-1 and return to Earth. Once they were back home, it became apparent that Daniel was going a little kooky. 

After going through withdrawals, Daniel asked to return to the planet. The team believed they could help the miners and acquire a source of naquadah. Shyla apologized to Daniel and destroyed the sarcophagus. The wedding was canceled, which was a shame because they were an attractive couple.

My Rating: 6/10

The Gamekeeper

In Soviet Russia, video game plays you!

I don’t have much to say about this episode. It contained a lot of blah and meh. Hey, Kawalsky showed up. That was kind of neat. And Teal’c had hair.

Poor Daniel. His parents were smushed to death by Styrofoam artifacts. I bet he cringes every time he sees packaging peanuts.

My Rating: 4/10

There But For the Grace of God

As a general rule, I don’t like alternate reality episodes. This is one of the exceptions. 

Daniel started the show by futzing around with an alien device. In the process, he unknowingly transported himself to a reality in which Earth was being destroyed by a Goa’uld attack fleet. Everything was slightly different, and he was never part of the stargate program. 

Of course, the audience would never believe they were watching an alternate reality unless some of the characters had different haircuts. Sam looked pretty good with long hair, but I’m still a fan of her helmet head. The dead thing on Teal’c was not as flattering. 

Fans of a Sam and Jack relationship got a special treat, because those two were engaged in this reality. If you listen closely, there was even a mumbled, “I love you.” Aww… 

The team in the alternate reality was killed off, but their last act was to help Daniel escape. He transported back to his old dimension with a gate address that just might save Earth. 

My Rating: 7/10

Children of the Gods

This was the series premier of Stargate SG-1. We quickly learn the stargate goes to places other than Abydos, see how our favorite team is formed, and meet Apophis, the new bad guy with a snake in his head. 

Apophis, a lover of monotone gold wardrobes, manages to abduct Daniel’s wife and Jack’s little buddy and turn them into Goa’ulds. After the new hosts are outfitted in standard issued, drag queen regalia, the glowing-eyed gods travel to a different part of the galaxy, leaving the our heroes to fight off a platoon of Jaffa. The good guys escape back to Earth, but Kawalsky was unknowingly snaked just before going through the gate. 

The foundation of the SG-1 team is already evident by the end of this episode. Daniel and Jack have established a pattern of ideological bickering. Teal’c puts on his stoic look while betraying his god, and Sam manages to rattle off several verses of techno jargon while keeping a straight face.

I am an unabashed Sam fan. With those big, blue eyes, that smirky smile, and her penchant for helmet hair, she might be the cutest thing this side of baby kittens. Every time she is on screen, I have an overwhelming urge to give her a bear hug and a kiss on the forehead.

I admit this, because she was also the center of a painful cringefest. It turns out her reproductive organs are on the inside. What were the writers drinking when they came up with this scene? Each and every line of dialogue felt like punch to the giblets. Ouch.

Of course, this episode also featured another controversial scene. Oh Noes! There was a hoohaa on display. Hide the children. I read how the producers are thinking of editing this episode to make it a little more family friendly. Eh, surely you have better things to do. A little kooter won’t kill anyone.

My rating: 9/10

The Original Movie

It wouldn’t be fair to write about the two spin-offs without mentioning the movie. So, that’s where we’ll start. My DVD is the “Ultimate Edition” with an “Extended Cut.” Which, presumably, means it is longer and much more ultimate than the version shown in theaters. 

There are a plenty of continuity issues between the original movie and the shows, but I’m willing to forgive these sins. The movie holds up very well by itself, and it gets the ball rolling for the main story arcs in Season One of Stargate SG-1. We manage to decipher an ancient artifact, go to Abydos, and blow up a space pimp named Ra. It’s a good way to start.

While the movie is packed with action and adventure, the true focus is centered on a memorable and haunting haircut. Specifically, Kurt Russell’s rather extreme take on the flattop. It has been rumored that engineers used test screenings of this film to calibrate laser levels. The movie simply would not have been the same without that rigid form triumphantly crowning our box-headed hero as he shouted, “Give my regards to King Tut, Asshole.” How that haircut did not win an Oscar is beyond me.

With the exception of a few people from Abydos, just about all of the characters were recast when the television show started. Some of these changes were for the better, some of them for the worse. Clearly, the best casting decision the producers of SG-1 made was to distance themselves from all things French Stewart. In the movie, he plays the least believable member of the Air Force in the history of motion pictures. There’s something about his smug face that just begs to be punched. I wish they could have found a way to kill him off in a horrific, painful death scene.

I was kind of disappointed the producers changed Sha’uris on us. The original Sha’uri was much hotter than the Sha’uri in SG-1. I probably would have stayed on Abydos and endured having to eat sand with every meal if it meant more makeout time with the original Sha’uri. I would have been looking for the first gate back home if I accidentally married the new Sha’uri.

One of the great hidden gems in the movie takes the form of a gruesome sweater. There are very few things in life that can draw a smile from my lips as reliably as a hideous sweater. The fact that this particular sweater was worn by Richard Kind, an actor who later shows up in Season Three of Stargate Atlantis as a creepy rapist, seems to hint at a grand master plan. Is it possible this ugly sweater was an act of foreshadowing twelve years in the making? Was it a dire warning to be wary of men in Cosby sweaters? I like to think so.

My Rating: 8/10