Threshold

I never liked the idea of Teal’c being brainwashed that quickly. If the Goa’uld could simply turn someone into a devoted follower, why did they go through such exhaustive torturing techniques in the past? The episode that comes to mind is “The Serpent’s Venom.” Heru’ur’s guy spent days trying to force Teal’c to admit the Goa’uld were gods, but he flipped in a matter of moments this time.

I can excuse that problem, because the flashback scenes were well done. It showed how influential Bra’tac was on the younger Teal’c. It was also interesting to see how Teal’c eventually learned the truth about the Goa’uld.

The best part of the flashbacks had to be Apophis’s chicken outfit. The man had style.

I thought Daniel and Jack were pretty funny. “I thought he said, ‘Valour.’”  Dr. Fraiser was also great in this episode. I love it when she sticks up for her principles.

My Rating: 7/10

Enemies

The team was facing some bleak prospects when Season Five started. They were stranded far from home, and Apophis was about to turn them into space debris. He was powering his weapons when another ship appeared and attacked. This allowed the team to take temporary refuge within a star’s corona sphere.

When the team reentered open space, they quickly discovered that Replicators had infested Apophis’s ship. The team was able to recover a set of hyperdrive crystals from the abandoned vessel. They got into a shootout with the mechanical bugs and fled just moments before the ship self-destructed.

I really liked the “We’re not going to make it” dialogue in this episode. The relationship between Sam and Jacob has grown fantastically over time. They have such a natural fit. Plus, it’s a hoot whenever Jack interacts with the Tok’ra.

We learned that Teal’c had been revived by Apophis and was brainwashed. He tricked the team and led an invasion that allowed Apophis to take control of their ship. Of course, Apophis always travels with too much luggage. (He’s such a diva.) A Replicator stowaway quickly began eating its way through the ship.

The Replicators created a huge bug that zipped everyone back to the Milky Way. Fearing the Replicators would take over the galaxy, the team devised a plan. They crashed the ship after it left hyperspace and escaped with Teal’c in a cargo ship. Teal’c was still convinced that Apophis was his god.

The Replicators and Apophis were destroyed. Or were they? Okay, this actually was the end of old snake boy. As much as I loved his outlandish arrogance and incredible resilience, it was time to turn the page. He was a great villain. Hey, there are always alternate realities.

My Rating: 9/10

___________________________

You might have noticed that I have been a huge slacker lately. There are two reasons for this. 1) I have been sick and didn’t have the energy to write. 2) I was starting to lose my motivation. I even considered quitting the project. Then I watched Continuum. Oh My God! I couldn’t believe how great that was. It completely reignited my love for the show. So, I’m going to jump back on the proverbial horse. I have about a month of free time before grad school starts up, so expect the updates to come fast and furious. 

Exodus

Yes, this was good episode. We got to see the team playing with their fancy, new spaceship, and the battles were pretty. However, some parts of this show drove me crazy.

The first thing that bugged me was how Tanith escaped. How can the Tok’ra be that dumb? He did a ridiculous, seizure-esque freak out, and they believed it. Then, with two guards watching (one pointing a zatgun at him), he grabbed the person who went in to check on him. The scene cuts, and we are forced to imagine that he beat up the other guards, eluded the rest of the Tok’ra on the base, and used the ring transporters to reach the surface. No way am I buying that.

The other thing that made me grumble was how Tanith was able to communicate directly with Apophis. If he could do that, why didn’t he just tell Apophis where the Tok’ra were hiding a while ago? Was he just waiting for a special occasion?

Don’t even get me started about Teal’c.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way. The cliffhanger was great. Sam and Jacob did a little father/daughter bonding exercise by blowing up a star together. The team was sent 200 million light years away, and Apophis ended up right behind them. Oh, and Teal’c was captured along the way and was aboard Apophis’s ship. The credits started rolling with the team stranded in space and facing an overpowering ship.

To Be Continued

Rating: 8/10

The Serpent’s Venom

Teal’c had another rough day. He was betrayed by his fellow Jaffa and tortured mercilessly by one of Heru’ur’s minions. I bet that pain stick to the pouch left a sore spot. On the positive side, Teal’c is slowly starting to gain followers to his Jaffa movement.

Apophis was looking good. His face healed slightly since the last time we saw him, and he switched over to a red wardrobe. He even had some scantily clad women stroking his head. That man is a natural pimp.

I thought it was funny how Jack got all uppity when Jacob first brought up the Tok’ra plan. Then he felt left out before Jacob said, “Of course, Colonel O’Neill is always lots of fun to have around.”

Apophis’s mothership looked awesome. It blew Heru’ur to bits with just a few shots. It’s a shame we won’t the bald guy again. I always liked his earrings.

In typical SG-1 fashion, their plan managed to create a bigger problem. Apophis will absorb Heru’ur’s fleet and grow even stronger. Soon he will be able to challenge the System Lords by himself.

My Rating: 9/10

Upgrades

The magic armbands were silly, but I was able to overlook them enough to enjoy the episode. Both General Hammond and Dr. Fraiser had big roles. We also saw the Tok’ra don’t always have our best interests in mind. The team even managed to blow up one of Apophis’s ships along the way.

Eh, Anise. She might be the ultimate foxy space lady. I actually thought she was an interesting character, but yeah, her outfits were over the top. They made her a distraction and hurt the show. I can’t believe I’m arguing against a scantily clad, highly attractive woman.

Jack was in fine form. It was good to see Teal’c and him boxing again. I loved how he kicked out a chunk of Hammond’s office. My favorite line: After Anise determined he had five times a normal human’s strength, “So, no increase then, huh?”

There were two things that bothered me about this episode. The first was Sam’s face when she realized she couldn’t take the armband off. It struck me as one of those unintentionally funny and overly dramatic moments. The other was how the bar fight started. Some guy called Daniel a geek, which was odd, because that might have been the hippest Daniel ever looked. Plus, who calls someone a geek?

My Rating: 6/10

Maternal Instinct

This was our first encounter with an ascended being. Oma Desala resided in a temple on Kheb, a planet of Jaffa legend. The team traveled there after Bra’tac arrived at the SGC with his wounded apprentice. Apophis had attacked Chulak and was searching for his son. Daniel wanted to rescue the baby before Apophis could get there.

I bet it would be awesome to get stoned with that Asian dude. It has been years since I’ve done anything that naughty, but I’m pretty sure I would be blown away by sayings like, “Because it is so clear, it takes a longer time to realize it. If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.” Ummm… cookie dough ice cream.

My favorite part of this episode was when Daniel started to grow skeptical, so the monk lit the candle to prove it could be done. The monk then said, “Now you blow it out.” Daniel then bent down and blew out the flame. “With your mind.” I love that little laugh.

There is no doubt this episode was an important part of Stargate history. I think you could argue the Atlantis series would not exist without it.

My Rating: 8/10

The Devil You Know

Apophis is amazing. The guy was promoted from assistant hell boy to leader of the most powerful fleet in the galaxy in the course of a few days. I bet his first official action was to change into a gold outfit.

It’s a shame Sokar couldn’t stick around longer. He had a lot of screen presence and was super creepy. Even his Jaffa were cool. I wonder if he was related to the veiny-headed kid from “Show and Tell.”

I thought the torture scenes were well done. The casting department did an unbelievable job picking out the young Sam, and it was neat to learn more about her background. However, Charlie looked much older than the last time we saw him. It was great to see Daniel throw a punch, and Martouf had me convinced when he told Apophis the location of the Tok’ra.

This was also a good episode for silly Jack comments. My favorite line was, “…they gave me something that reminded me of the ‘70’s.”

If I was in charge of the script, I would have been tempted to have Jack say, “Let's get the Hell out of… umm, Hell.” But I’m a sucker for bad puns.

My Rating: 10/10

Jolinar’s Memories

Martouf always shows up with bad news. He arrived at the SGC to inform Sam that Sokar had captured her father. Jacob was sent to hell, and only Jolinar’s memories could save him.

We saw Jolinar’s previous host and Sokar for the first time in this episode. Sokar looked a cross between the guy from Hellraiser and Billy Corgan. Apparently, the devil does not own nail clippers. Jolinar was cute and one tough cookie.

The dreaded “To Be Continued” popped on the screen moments after Apophis killed Bynarr and revealed himself. In the comments from “Serpent’s Song,” Aabye compared Apophis to a bad houseguest. And just like a bad houseguest, he keeps showing up when you think he’s gone. This time, he was wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask.

Was anyone else grossed out by the yellow, gooey stuff leaking from Bynarr’s eye? Yuck.

My Rating: 10/10

Rules of Engagement

Wow, those kids were really dumb. You’d think they would either give up after a while, or realize SG-1 was not with Apophis. The intars were cool, though.

There were a lot of funny moments in this episode. My favorite was Jack’s deadpan reaction after Rogers told him that corn and cotton are indigenous to North America. I also loved the tuna interrogation and the look on Jack’s face after Teal’c claimed O’Neill was “much loved by Apophis.”

There was one little moment that perfectly personified Jack and Daniel’s relationship. The whole team was walking to the gate while being debriefed about what to expect during the final challenge. Jack gave a series of orders and asked, “Was everyone clear on that? Daniel?” Of course, Daniel was in Dannyworld and only managed a confused, “What?” To which Jack quickly responded, “Good.”

Oh, and I have to mention that Sam looked extra foxy in camouflage face paint.

My Rating: 6/10

Point of View

This was another alternate reality episode. In the new reality, Kawalsky was still alive, Jack was dead, and Sam was a civilian widow. Apophis had just conquered the world, so their Kawalsky and Sam used the quantum mirror from “There But For the Grace of God” to visit our team. Got it?

I always feel obligated to discuss hair while reviewing alternate reality episodes. Alternate Sam had a cheap wig, which further proved that helmet hair Carter is the best. Teal’c had a pointy soul patch. I actually said, “Dear God” when I first saw that hideous goatee Apophis was sporting. Yuck. 

The highlights of this episode, in my opinion, all dealt with Sam and Jack’s alternate reality marriage. You could tell alternate Sam was a more in touch with her emotions. She was kissing everyone on the cheek, and she finally got a proper hug.

I wanted to kick our Sam in the butt when she gave Jack a sarcastic answer and walked away after he offered to listen her. Grr… Come on! I wonder what was going through her mind when she watched Jack kiss alternate Sam.

A couple of random notes:

• I love it when two Sams speak techno babble and argue with each other.
  
• I loved the glance between Daniel and Jack after Teal’c killed his alternate.
  
• I have included the wedding photo so all the shippers can squeeeee.
  

My Rating: 9/10

Serpent’s Song

“That’s between you and your god. Oh, wait a minute, you are your god.” 

Apophis was quite a sad sight in this episode. With his empire falling apart, he sought protection from rival Goa’ulds by asking for sanctuary on Earth. He took advantage of human compassions in an attempt to save his life and lure the team into a trap. 

The Tok’ra arrived to warn the SGC about Sokar, an ancient Goa’uld who pretended to be the devil. Sokar’s troops saw SG-1 as they fled through the gate with Apophis, and they would attack if the team did not return the prisoner. This situation was orchestrated by Apophis to ensure his demise would also bring about the destruction of Earth. 

Before the Tok’ra could leave, Sokar’s attack began. He used a weapon that could melt the stargate’s iris and also draw happy faces. Eventually, Sam was able to establish an out-going wormhole that thwarted the attack and allowed the team to return Apophis’s body to Sokar. 

I thought the best part about this episode was the interaction between the team and Apophis. Jack’s sarcasm and contempt for Apophis was hilarious. Teal’c spent the whole episode walking around with a smug look on his face. The best, however, was Daniel’s little talk with Apophis. Daniel let his dark side out and every word he said seemed to sizzle as he taunted and threatened Apophis. Go get him, Daniel! 

I felt bad for Apophis’s host. After spending several thousand years parading around in ridiculous outfits, he regained control of his body just before a torturous death. Poor guy didn’t know what was going on. 

My Rating: 8/10

Secrets

Holy cow, there were a lot of very good plotlines crammed into this episode. Daniel returned to Abydos, a reporter learned about the stargate program, Sam’s dad made his first appearance, Sha’uri was pregnant, and Heru’ur planned to steal the baby. Exhale. 

Teal’c and Daniel discovered Sha’uri had been living on Abydos with a little bun in the oven. Her goa’uld relinquished control of the body to protect the unborn baby, but would revive after the birth. Apophis was the proud papa and planned to use the resulting child as his future host. How creepy is that? 

Heru’ur didn’t like that idea and sent his Jaffa out to find Sha’uri. She gave birth to a little boy while they were searching. Teal’c was in charge of the postnatal care and decided to shoot Sha’uri with a zat gun. Obviously, they have health care issues on Chulak. 

Sam and Jack were in Washington, DC while all that was happening. They were supposed to meet the president during a medal ceremony. General Jacob Carter, Sam’s dad, came to the party with some good news and some bad news. The good news: Sam can quit her boring job and join NASA. The bad news: He had cancer. For the love of God, somebody better give Sam a hug. 

A reporter with leaked information about the stargate program accosted Jack for a comment. Jack played it cool and denied everything with his characteristic charm. After a second meeting with Jack, the reporter died after he either accidentally walked into traffic or was purposely run over by a government goon. 

I’m sorry. I can’t resist a truly bad pun. “That’s one way to kill a story.” 

I’ll get my coat. 

One last note: Apophis was really pushing the limits of Goa’uld fashion in that final scene, but he was totally outclassed by Sha’uri’s headdress. I sort of wish everyone dressed like that in real life.

 My Rating: 9/10

The Serpent’s Lair

“Carter, if someone comes in here, you bite them in the hand.” 

Things weren’t looking good when we last saw SG-1. Luckily, Bra’tac showed up. Sure, he thumped Jack in the face and kept calling him “human,” but he freed the team from certain death. 

Apophis stalled his attack while waiting for Klorel to heal. This gave Samuels time to implement his brilliant plan that would surely work. Of course, the plan failed. I honestly thought General Hammond was going to kidney punch Samuels each time they were on screen together.

So it was up to SG-1 to save the world. Daniel got shot in the process and was left for dead. The rest of the team managed to blow up both of Apophis’s ships at the same time while sneaking away in death gliders. 

Daniel took a quick nap in a sarcophagus and made a last second exit through the ship’s stargate. While their fate wasn’t shown, Apophis and Klorel also attempted to escape. Did they make it out? I guess we’ll find out later. 

My Rating: 10/10

Within the Serpent’s Grasp

Thank God for DVDs. They make these season-ending cliffhangers much more enjoyable. Rather than waiting around for half a year to see what happens, you can just pop in the next disk and watch the climax. 

In this episode, the team defied orders and gated to a Goa’uld stronghold. They discovered they were actually on an attack ship headed to Earth and Skaara was onboard. I have to say, Skaara looked ravishing in that gold ensemble. The women from Sex and the City have nothing on that boy. 

There were a bunch of great lines in sprinkled in with the action. I loved Daniel’s face when he said, “Right, I’ll just go tell the pilot.” We also got to play with some new technology on the trip, included a few zat-guns and a communications ball that probably doesn’t get Showtime. 

The episode ended with two ships peering down on an unprepared Earth. Skaara had been shot by Jack and appeared to pass out. The C-4 Sam and Daniel planted on the ship was set to detonate. To Be Continued. Cut to the credits. 

My Rating: 9/10

Cor-ai

Trials are a crutch for lazy writers.  It’s pretty easy to throw a group people in a room and have them gracelessly debate both sides of an issue. Sadly, this episode plays like a crappy version of Law & Order: Space. 

The plot revolves around Teal’c’s decision to execute a one-legged man while in the service of Apophis. Teal’c felt guilty about the atrocities he committed during that time and wanted to face the trial, even if it resulted in a death sentence. Along the way, we get thumped with a morality hammer. 

Ugh, this episode was just too boring and heavy-handed. I knew it would be bad the moment I saw that leather beanie. 

My Rating: 2/10

The Nox

The show started with a government official pressuring the team to find advanced technology. This led Teal’c to mention an animal that is capable of cloaking itself. Intrigued, the team sets off on a hunting expedition. 

Apophis happened to be on the planet when SG-1 arrived, so the team staged an ambush on the golden one. The trap failed horribly, as Jack, Sam, and Daniel were killed. Just as Teal’c was awaiting his fate, everyone vanished. 

The Nox, one of my favorite races in the stargate universe, saved the team and brought them back to life. The twig-covered pacifists were actually the ones capable of invisibility, and they had no interest in SG-1’s violent ways. Daniel spent some time with an elderly tree-licker trying to learn about the Nox and improve the relationship. However, our fighting with Apophis ultimately led the Nox to seal their gate and prevent our return. 

One of my favorite stargate moments occurred in this episode. A young Nox named Nafrayu walked up to Sam to introduce himself. You could see her heart melting while she was talking to the little guy, which caused Jack to say, “No, you can’t keep him.” 

My Rating: 9/10

Children of the Gods

This was the series premier of Stargate SG-1. We quickly learn the stargate goes to places other than Abydos, see how our favorite team is formed, and meet Apophis, the new bad guy with a snake in his head. 

Apophis, a lover of monotone gold wardrobes, manages to abduct Daniel’s wife and Jack’s little buddy and turn them into Goa’ulds. After the new hosts are outfitted in standard issued, drag queen regalia, the glowing-eyed gods travel to a different part of the galaxy, leaving the our heroes to fight off a platoon of Jaffa. The good guys escape back to Earth, but Kawalsky was unknowingly snaked just before going through the gate. 

The foundation of the SG-1 team is already evident by the end of this episode. Daniel and Jack have established a pattern of ideological bickering. Teal’c puts on his stoic look while betraying his god, and Sam manages to rattle off several verses of techno jargon while keeping a straight face.

I am an unabashed Sam fan. With those big, blue eyes, that smirky smile, and her penchant for helmet hair, she might be the cutest thing this side of baby kittens. Every time she is on screen, I have an overwhelming urge to give her a bear hug and a kiss on the forehead.

I admit this, because she was also the center of a painful cringefest. It turns out her reproductive organs are on the inside. What were the writers drinking when they came up with this scene? Each and every line of dialogue felt like punch to the giblets. Ouch.

Of course, this episode also featured another controversial scene. Oh Noes! There was a hoohaa on display. Hide the children. I read how the producers are thinking of editing this episode to make it a little more family friendly. Eh, surely you have better things to do. A little kooter won’t kill anyone.

My rating: 9/10