Rite of Passage

Was it just me or did Cassandra seem a lot older than she should have been? I think she was the perfect example of why all guys fear the idea of having a daughter. She was extremely grouchy and smooched a cheesy boy who gave her a two-dollar trinket. It’s no wonder Dr. Fraiser was so edgy.

It turned out Nirrti was experimenting on Cassandra’s planet in an attempt to create super humans. The team found Nirrti’s lab, but they were unable to cure Cassandra. In the process, they accidentally allowed Nirrti to sneak into the SGC while she was cloaked.

The team eventually discovered and captured their unwanted visitor. They made a deal with Nirrti. She saved Cassandra in exchange for her release. I was surprised they let her go so easily.

Bonus point for Jack’s magnet speech.

Rating: 6/10

The Fifth Man

Yes, I suck. Sorry for the long delay. I’ve been a little distracted. I appreciate the people who sent messages urging me to post more.

The Excuse: I am starting a tiny, itty-bitty record label with the few spare dollars I have. I wanted to get the website up and running before I got super busy again. This was a problem, because I barely know how to turn on a computer. Me = the dumb. After futzing around with the page for a very long time, I finally made a template the looks kinda jazzy and meets a few web standards.

You can see it here: Hello Velo Records. Bonus points for anyone who is an interweb wizard and wants to give me advice/tips/tell that I don’t suck.

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This episode is going to be tough to review, because not much really happened. The writers basically stated in dialogue that we would never see Reole again. Colonel Simmons was up to no good, and Hammond got grumpy. Dr. Fraiser saved the day by breaking some rules.

I thought the Tyler character was neat. The premise about him creating a false memory seemed like a stretch, though. I can see why his people hide their identities. They are not an attractive race. At least Jack found a fishing buddy.

It happens in a lot of episodes, but it always annoys me when the team gets put in a holding cell. With all the crazy stuff that goes on, you’d think that SG-1 would get the benefit of the doubt. I also thought Hammond would have made a better effort to find Jack.

Overall, a forgettable episode, but it’s good to be back.

Rating: 5/10

Threshold

I never liked the idea of Teal’c being brainwashed that quickly. If the Goa’uld could simply turn someone into a devoted follower, why did they go through such exhaustive torturing techniques in the past? The episode that comes to mind is “The Serpent’s Venom.” Heru’ur’s guy spent days trying to force Teal’c to admit the Goa’uld were gods, but he flipped in a matter of moments this time.

I can excuse that problem, because the flashback scenes were well done. It showed how influential Bra’tac was on the younger Teal’c. It was also interesting to see how Teal’c eventually learned the truth about the Goa’uld.

The best part of the flashbacks had to be Apophis’s chicken outfit. The man had style.

I thought Daniel and Jack were pretty funny. “I thought he said, ‘Valour.’”  Dr. Fraiser was also great in this episode. I love it when she sticks up for her principles.

My Rating: 7/10

The Light

I just turned my lava lamp on in honor of this episode.

The idea of the Goa’uld going to a palace and getting stoned makes me laugh. I can almost imagine Apophis, Hathor, and Yu eating Oreos in between bong hits. I bet they even watched a VHS copy of Reality Bites. Now that I think about it, Ethan Hawke would make a great Goa’uld. Umm… where was I?

Oh yeah, this was pretty episode. I thought the set was gorgeous, and the light effect had a trippy vibe. The kid was a little annoying, though. It seemed like Dr. Fraiser might have been able to give the team a pill to regulate their dopamine levels, but they deserved a vacation. As someone from Florida, I have to disagree with one thing. That beach did not look very nice.

Looking back, not much happened in this episode. Daniel basically died for a moment, but he always does that. I liked the argument between Sam and Jack. A few red shirts ate it. Am I missing anything else?

My Rating: 5/10

2010

This might be the prettiest episode produced by SG-1. There was a grand plot, an interesting new race, and some great team moments. So why did I find it unsatisfying? Well, it fell into the alternate reality trap. Everything in this episode, essentially, never happened, which ultimately devalued the drama. There was some fun speculation, but it had little influence on the series as a whole.

I love to compare the superficial differences in alternate reality episodes. First off, Dr. Fraiser’s hair looked fantastic! She always struck me as the motherly type, but she looked down right foxy with that cut. I liked Sam’s gelled up hair, too. Daniel had a new pair of glasses, which are actually in style now. It took me a couple of moments to realize it, but Teal’c had his tattoo removed.

I thought the triangle between Ambassador Joe, Sam, and Jack was intriguing. It was pretty clear that Jack felt letdown by Sam, and Joe didn’t trust Jack. Since Sam sucks at dating, she must have picked Joe over Jack at some point. It was strangely typical of her to fall for a guy who was complicit in genocide.

There was one other thing that caught my attention. This was the first time I watched this episode since Don S. Davis passed away. It was sad to hear the toast to General Hammond knowing that he really is gone.

Oh, and Kinsey as the President was not a pleasant thought.

My Rating: 7/10

Upgrades

The magic armbands were silly, but I was able to overlook them enough to enjoy the episode. Both General Hammond and Dr. Fraiser had big roles. We also saw the Tok’ra don’t always have our best interests in mind. The team even managed to blow up one of Apophis’s ships along the way.

Eh, Anise. She might be the ultimate foxy space lady. I actually thought she was an interesting character, but yeah, her outfits were over the top. They made her a distraction and hurt the show. I can’t believe I’m arguing against a scantily clad, highly attractive woman.

Jack was in fine form. It was good to see Teal’c and him boxing again. I loved how he kicked out a chunk of Hammond’s office. My favorite line: After Anise determined he had five times a normal human’s strength, “So, no increase then, huh?”

There were two things that bothered me about this episode. The first was Sam’s face when she realized she couldn’t take the armband off. It struck me as one of those unintentionally funny and overly dramatic moments. The other was how the bar fight started. Some guy called Daniel a geek, which was odd, because that might have been the hippest Daniel ever looked. Plus, who calls someone a geek?

My Rating: 6/10

Foothold

My favorite part of this episode was when Jack punched Dr. Fraiser in the face. “That was weird.” It was also fun to see Teal’c kick some butt.

The aliens in this episode reminded me of horseshoe crabs. I liked the mimic device idea, and it was funny to see everyone hanging from the rafters. It’s a shame the aliens just blew themselves up and were never heard from again.

A lot of minor characters made appearances in this episode. Siler, as always, was beaten up and knocked out. Major Davis had a lot of screen time. I’m a huge Maybourne fan, so it’s always a bonus when he shows up.

And when Maybourne shows up, the insults quickly follow. “You are an idiot everyday of the week. Why couldn’t you have just taken one day off?” It was a shock not only to see him get credit at the end, but also for him to acknowledge Sam.  

My Rating: 8/10

Legacy

The thing that always bothered me about this episode was how quick the doctors were to throw Daniel into a padded room. He was perfectly normal one day. Then he went crazy a couple of days later. I’d imagine that level of schizophrenia doesn’t happen overnight. Why wouldn’t they think it was the result of some alien doohickey? 

Daniel was a pretty convincing crazy person. It was kind of creepy to see him like that. Sam’s reaction when the team visited Daniel almost brought a tear to my eye. Someone better give that woman a hug. 

Here’s another silly question: Why did Ma’chello make those little bug things if he knew they would make normal people crazy? That’s a pretty serious side effect he probably would have considered.

Bonus point for Dr. Fraiser’s freak out. 

My Rating: 5/10

Singularity

I know it makes me a heartless bastard, but I laughed when Sam kicked the elevator and started weeping. There might be something wrong with me. 

This episode revolved around Cassandra, a young girl with a bomb in her chest. She was brought to Earth after a Goa’uld named Nirrti killed everyone on her planet. Nirrti secretly planted the bomb hoping the girl could destroy Earth’s stargate. Luckily, the nefarious plot was discovered before Cassandra went kaboom. 

Along the way, Cassandra formed a strong bond with Sam. I think this was the first time we really saw Sam’s softer side. She has to be the most huggable character in television history. Even her stick figures are cute. 

This episode is also responsible for countless theories about a relationship between Sam and Dr. Fraiser. I don’t see it, but whatever floats your boat… 

My Rating: 6/10

Hathor

She’s seductive. She has purple breath. She wears a cheap wig and a gold bra. She spent a few thousand years locked in a sarcophagus. She’s Hathor. And I love her. 

Hathor is a Goa’uld queen, which means she can spawn her own shrimp cocktail. She nearly took over the SGC in this episode by manipulating all the males. Luckily, Sam, Dr. Fraiser, and the rest of the “women behind bars” cast kicked her out before everyone was walking around with snakes in their guts. 

I hate to say it, but I think the girls were jealous. 

My Rating: 8/10

The Broca Divide

This episode has two claims to fame. Dr. Fraiser made her first appearance on the show, and we saw Sam and Jack’s first kiss. The smooching would have been more romantic if Sam wasn’t under the influence of a virus that turned her into a sexually aggressive Neanderthal. But maybe I’m just old fashioned.

The virus originally plagued the Land of Light, but eventually infected the SGC. Luckily, Dr. Fraiser saved both worlds from unibrows and hairy knuckles when she discovered Benadryl was the secret to rapid evolution. Now she just has to find a drug that will prevent grown men from wearing bare-midriff outfits and the Land of Light will be problem free.

I loved the dining scene with Daniel and his cavewoman girlfriend. The both looked so happy with their comically large bones. Jack had to chime in, “Daniel, you dog, you keep this up, you'll have a girl on every planet.”

My Rating: 6/10