Between Two Fires

The Tollan sold us out. They always had an arrogant demeanor, but they showed their true colors as soon as they got in trouble. In the end, the Tollan were just hi-tech turncoats in ugly jumpsuits.

This episode further enforced my belief that Sam sucks at dating. Apparently she has a thing for creepy stalkers. Narim reproduced her voice, enabling his home computer to talk dirty to him respond to his requests as if it were Sam. That’s not cute. That’s just weird.

Tanith showed up to announce he was now working in the service of a mystery Goa’uld. This made Teal’c very happy. He then ordered the Tollan to send a bomb to Earth.

Luckily, Sam’s stalker blew up all the super bombs before the Tollan had a chance to consider the task. SG-1 fled through the stargate after the Goa’uld started their attack. The Tollan were, presumably, killed while trying to flee in spaceships.

Rating: 9/10

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On an unrelated note: After years of resistance, I finally created a facebook page. If anyone wants to become my internet friend, you can send me a message here. 

The Tomb

This episode had a vintage Stargate feel to it. Daniel was in archaeology mode, the team was looking for a mystical artifact, and there was a Goa’uld on the loose. The writers even mixed in some political drama with the Russians.

I love the animosity between Jack and the Russians. To be fair, the vodka drinkers were operating on secret orders and had a knack for screwing things up. I knew the Russian with the dodgy mustache was going to die the first time I saw this episode. People with that type of facial hair don’t last long in the entertainment industry. Alternatively, I wasn’t surprised the cute girl made it out alive. Good-looking people get all the breaks.

I thought the little creature that ate everyone and was host to a Goa'uld was well done. It gave the episode a bit of a horror movie feel. The idea of it continuously eating someone while trapped in the sarcophagus was kind of creepy.

Eventually the Goa’uld took one of the Russians as a host, and the team escaped after they found a ring transporter. The ziggurat collapsed with the Eye of Tiamat buried in the rubble. Its power would remain unknown.

The one other notable thing to mention about this episode was that Colonel Chekov made his first appearance. I always liked him.

Rating: 8/10

Beast of Burden

The Unas episodes just don’t do it for me. This one was particularly hard to watch, because the story slowly plodded along. The resolution wasn’t very satisfying, either.

About three-fourths of the show was dedicated to explaining how slavery is bad. Really, was this a moral question that needed to be tackled? It was such an obvious point. I felt like the writers were almost preaching to a group of third graders.

The twist at the end was much more interesting than the rest of the story. It created a true moral dilemma. Rather than focusing on this, the writers just sent the team home. This likely resulted in a rebellion that benefited neither side and led to more death and more hostility. Brilliant.

The one positive that came out of this mess was that we got an excellent Jack O’Neill-ism. “Yeah, I know, the grass always looks cleaner.”

Rating: 2/10

Rite of Passage

Was it just me or did Cassandra seem a lot older than she should have been? I think she was the perfect example of why all guys fear the idea of having a daughter. She was extremely grouchy and smooched a cheesy boy who gave her a two-dollar trinket. It’s no wonder Dr. Fraiser was so edgy.

It turned out Nirrti was experimenting on Cassandra’s planet in an attempt to create super humans. The team found Nirrti’s lab, but they were unable to cure Cassandra. In the process, they accidentally allowed Nirrti to sneak into the SGC while she was cloaked.

The team eventually discovered and captured their unwanted visitor. They made a deal with Nirrti. She saved Cassandra in exchange for her release. I was surprised they let her go so easily.

Bonus point for Jack’s magnet speech.

Rating: 6/10

Red Sky

This was a fairly typical episode. The team screwed something up, and they had to fix it before everyone died. Along the way, they had to deal with some religious villagers who were a pain in the butt. The big twist was the team ran into a problem they couldn’t solve by themselves. Or could they?

Malchus ranks highly on the list of most infuriating characters. He reminded of Debbie Downer from those old SNL skits. It was great to see Jack go after him. That man needed a beating, if only for his ridiculous hat.

I always like it when the Asgard show up. It’s funny to think that not all of them are as friendly as Thor. I thought the scene where Sam and Daniel watched Jack as he was talking to the wall was pretty funny. “Little gray butts?”

I also liked the way the show ended. Sometimes those loose ends are more satisfying than a perfect resolution.

Rating: 6/10

The Fifth Man

Yes, I suck. Sorry for the long delay. I’ve been a little distracted. I appreciate the people who sent messages urging me to post more.

The Excuse: I am starting a tiny, itty-bitty record label with the few spare dollars I have. I wanted to get the website up and running before I got super busy again. This was a problem, because I barely know how to turn on a computer. Me = the dumb. After futzing around with the page for a very long time, I finally made a template the looks kinda jazzy and meets a few web standards.

You can see it here: Hello Velo Records. Bonus points for anyone who is an interweb wizard and wants to give me advice/tips/tell that I don’t suck.

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This episode is going to be tough to review, because not much really happened. The writers basically stated in dialogue that we would never see Reole again. Colonel Simmons was up to no good, and Hammond got grumpy. Dr. Fraiser saved the day by breaking some rules.

I thought the Tyler character was neat. The premise about him creating a false memory seemed like a stretch, though. I can see why his people hide their identities. They are not an attractive race. At least Jack found a fishing buddy.

It happens in a lot of episodes, but it always annoys me when the team gets put in a holding cell. With all the crazy stuff that goes on, you’d think that SG-1 would get the benefit of the doubt. I also thought Hammond would have made a better effort to find Jack.

Overall, a forgettable episode, but it’s good to be back.

Rating: 5/10

Ascension

Have I mentioned that Sam sucks at dating? Well, she does.

Maybe it’s just me, but I thought Orlin was a nightmare. He stalked Sam, jeopardized her career, committed credit card fraud, and broke small appliances. Of course, she liked him. Really liked him. Women make no sense to me.

This episode resolved around the big, honkin’ space gun SG-1 found. The pentagon was super excited to fire it. However, that would have made a lot of ascended beings grumpy. Orlin sacrificed his life to destroy the gun and was allowed to ascend back to a higher plane of existence. I’m sure at least one woman up there will file for a restraining order.

I love when Teal’c dresses to go out in public. What do you think would grab your attention more: a man with a small tattoo on his forehead or a black dude who was dressed in flaming cowboy regalia? It’s great to know that the big guy like Star Wars. The best line of the episode had to be his, “I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of jello.”

Hey, we also saw Sam’s house and car for the first time. I was a little envious.

My Rating: 7/10